Putting Things Off

Things I've been putting off:

Cleaning my room
Applying to grad school

Why?

It just feels overwhelming and I feel ill prepared.

Earnings and Blessings

First I would like to remind myself that I went to the gym and I worked out for an hour. So brava to me. I would also like to remind myself that I have plans for Friday to go Horseback Riding at 11:30 and that I should leave home by 9.

otay otay.

So Earnings and Blessings are my theme for right now because I am reflecting on the people in my life. I started thinking about this because I am pretty attached to my phone and I remember a post that said something along the lines of people valuing objects over others. I thought, "well yeah, partly because most of us work hard to earn our objects." Then I reflected on the people aspect. I love the people who have remained in my life because I feel like I've earned them. I remember a while back I wrote a post about the guy I like and how I want to be someone who deserves him... I wanted to feel like he was in my life because I had earned him and it was something I deserve. That's not to say that the shitty people who are in my life are people I don't deserve. Like objects, things get upgraded. I don't regret those folks who are no longer in my life because we shared something important during the time in which they were around. 

So is it odd to say that I have earned the people in my life? We do call them blessings and they are among those things we count.

I NEED some things

I NEED
  Idols and role models
  Goals and ambitions
  Motivations and drive

Yeah I just need things to get me moving and get me happy.
I feel more ruts along the way so long as I don't do anything.

And so...I want to read more, it will help my vocabulary and writing.
   Write more, it will only refine my skills.
   Run more, although I hate it, it will help my health.

:( I've been getting envious of my group of friends and acquaintances who have been traveling around the world and are getting engaged. They have their own apartments and things seem to be progressing for them. I feel stuck and as if time is limited for me. Like I won't have chances to travel and do things. I suppose what hurts most about the situation is that I don't really know where I want to go in life.

So what should I do?

For now I just want to read more, maybe put some time aside for writing. I have an idea that I should wake up at 6am and take a nice walk outside while the weather is still good. Maybe go back to the gym and run on the machines. (perhaps this will be my goal for tomorrow since I have trouble waking up before noon.)

I make it sound as if my life isn't going places but I did get the new job and today is my first day. I'm very nervous about it.

But I still feel stagnant in growth.