Well I don't feel as pleasant as I did during the original draft. I was typing on my phone and when I went to the web to search for something, the post was deleted instead of saving automatically as a draft as it does on the web page.
So, in order to lower my blood pressure and angry I will begin to believe that those feeling and that moment was ultimately personal and the universe just wanted me to reflect inwardly before making a declaration on the net.
*breathe in*
hold
*breathe out*
I started the original post stating how I miss my crush. Because I do. I really miss our date and I know that come august we may have a chance to continue our rendezvous but still. He has other things to do. It will barely be summer any more and then we have school and then...life. But I do miss him none the less.
The most important thing in the original draft with the thoughts of Passion. Not passion for my crush but a passion for something. ANYTHING.
See I had revised a goal in my head. Tone up, fat down, and clean. I set this goal to be by the end of this month, July, because I wanted to change while my crush was changing. See he's over in Kenya growing and learning and experiencing things and I'm still just here. Still trying to start a routine to make my self better. And I know that I should do these things for ME for my own personal satisfaction, yet for some reason I feel like, if I could just manage to change by the time we reunite it will feel better. I would feel like I deserve him and that I deserve my accomplishments. I don't know why I think this. but it's there.
And from that, I think about passion and how it bothers me so that I do not have my own personal passion. My friends and I have determined that a passion is a talent that you are willing to work hard to learn. My amigas advised me to try everything until something feels right.'
bit by bit Jameelah.
baby steps....baby steps.
I have NOT been keeping up with the workouts. I'm not even sure what day I am on. I stopped somewhere around 150, or at least I think I did. I just got a new swim suit and I want to look good in it or at least just FEEL good in it.
This post is beginning to feel whiny and it wasn't in the first draft. The first draft was full of wonder and peace.
My interview is tomorrow.
I managed to clean a bit yesterday.
I had juice this morning.
I believe I am fed up. Fed up again, with myself, or with the day.
what happened?
I shall breathe and realize that I have come quite a ways. For the rest of this day I will do more cleaning, high five myself for the progress I have made, remember love, and drink water.
I'm funky and I need this to be gone! I won't be happy until I accomplish my goals. I do love the feelings that I have for my crush but I also won't be happy if I do things in his name and not in mine when it comes to ME working on the things that ONLY I can work on.
I can do this,
because the alternative is grim.
If by the end of this month, I still am not where I want to be, I'll have to remember that I DID make progress and I tried new things along the way.
Remember to love, remember that harmony is sometimes better than balance, and remember that peace takes patience.
-Jameelah.
So, in order to lower my blood pressure and angry I will begin to believe that those feeling and that moment was ultimately personal and the universe just wanted me to reflect inwardly before making a declaration on the net.
*breathe in*
hold
*breathe out*
I started the original post stating how I miss my crush. Because I do. I really miss our date and I know that come august we may have a chance to continue our rendezvous but still. He has other things to do. It will barely be summer any more and then we have school and then...life. But I do miss him none the less.
The most important thing in the original draft with the thoughts of Passion. Not passion for my crush but a passion for something. ANYTHING.
See I had revised a goal in my head. Tone up, fat down, and clean. I set this goal to be by the end of this month, July, because I wanted to change while my crush was changing. See he's over in Kenya growing and learning and experiencing things and I'm still just here. Still trying to start a routine to make my self better. And I know that I should do these things for ME for my own personal satisfaction, yet for some reason I feel like, if I could just manage to change by the time we reunite it will feel better. I would feel like I deserve him and that I deserve my accomplishments. I don't know why I think this. but it's there.
And from that, I think about passion and how it bothers me so that I do not have my own personal passion. My friends and I have determined that a passion is a talent that you are willing to work hard to learn. My amigas advised me to try everything until something feels right.'
bit by bit Jameelah.
baby steps....baby steps.
I have NOT been keeping up with the workouts. I'm not even sure what day I am on. I stopped somewhere around 150, or at least I think I did. I just got a new swim suit and I want to look good in it or at least just FEEL good in it.
This post is beginning to feel whiny and it wasn't in the first draft. The first draft was full of wonder and peace.
My interview is tomorrow.
I managed to clean a bit yesterday.
I had juice this morning.
I believe I am fed up. Fed up again, with myself, or with the day.
what happened?
I shall breathe and realize that I have come quite a ways. For the rest of this day I will do more cleaning, high five myself for the progress I have made, remember love, and drink water.
I'm funky and I need this to be gone! I won't be happy until I accomplish my goals. I do love the feelings that I have for my crush but I also won't be happy if I do things in his name and not in mine when it comes to ME working on the things that ONLY I can work on.
I can do this,
because the alternative is grim.
If by the end of this month, I still am not where I want to be, I'll have to remember that I DID make progress and I tried new things along the way.
Remember to love, remember that harmony is sometimes better than balance, and remember that peace takes patience.
-Jameelah.
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