Sept 3 - 2012 from my notebook

I Don't feel well. I feel like breaking things & throwing things. I feel gross and smelly no matter how many times I wash myself or brush my teeth. I want my house clean but I don't want to do it. I want my hair longer now but that may take years. I want to feel pretty and I want to feel better about myself feel loved, special. Which leads to the same old, I wanna find my life partner... Fuck that wanting...Damn longing. I want to be a good writer, writing awesome books. I want to be chilly ------ I want to be a better person.
DO better things & be confident in them.
     I will be a mentor but I'm scared of driving in Chicago, I'm scared of it all...I'm worried. I Did
    I've Done nothing I said I've I'd do & I feel shitty about it.
                              I've done nothing important.
School     School    School.
I'm excited but don't feel good enough. I should go to the University of Chicago move into the Dorm  Apartments for Grad students. NO I should study Social Work in Canada, take a yr off, spend 2 yrs in Canada student VISA. Pay off loans.
Where are my opportunities?
   Is there such a thing?
uncertainty incertainty --------------
is there truly a path or is it all just arbitrary Random even. Maybe I should see a psychic get reading. That'd be fun yet annoying. One lady told me I'd have 1 child. NO! I want more I will have more I will afford more. I will have a big family --------I hope. I hope