to be perfect...
First would be to CLEAN! I hate that I can't get into cleaning. I need to find a way to be ORGANIZED and anal about cleaning. I would feel so much better about my room and home if I could just clean it all up and do small, yet affordable improvements, like upgrade my dresser or give it a new layer of finish ( I think that's the right one) or just a new layer of paint or a cover over it.
Most importantly, I'd feel better about myself. I'd feel good knowing I can clean and get rid of junk in my life.
Second, would be to SPEND LESS. I spend too much money and thinking about it makes me angry and not want to fix it. I could justify why I spend the money, but I think this goes back to the lack of control I feel I have in my life. I know I'd be very happy and secure, knowing that I can manage my money and be on track with moving into my own place and starting my own life.
Third, because it's not too important, is MY BODY. I want to love my body. I talk about wanting bigger breasts and longer hair but I probably can't achieve that so I want to love those things. However, I feel I can't love those things until I start drinking more water, eating regularly yet healthy, and getting abs like Miley Cyrus. I want to have energy and to WANT to do things. I want to wake up and get up, not just lay there in bed. I want my body to have energy and feel clean and smooth running. Working out regularly is not an option for me because I have no regular schedule with work and school and being lazy.
I feel that I will never find a life partner if I cannot do these things, and I wish so much that they would come along and teach me, so that I will not have to work hard at it myself. That is foolish thinking. I've begun to understand that you cannot love someone if you do not love your self because you want to make them happy and what makes them happy is seeing you happy yet you cannot be happy if you hate yourself, THUS (run on sentence) you don't fulfill your love for this person if you cannot love your self.
