Reframing the way I Think

I wrote down a list of things that I need to start reflecting on, and one of them was my relationship with my mother. My mother isn't a bad woman, everyone has their faults but for some reason every time she wanted to talk to me I would get annoyed, angry, and snappy. Then there was a point where I had to ask myself, why do I have an attitude problem? I'm not sure. Maybe there is resentment, maybe I dislike her personal self destructive choices, maybe there are things I've suppressed and can't remember at this time.

I came back home to help my parents get better but they didn't want to. They just got worse and it fueled this thought in me that whenever I live with someone I will always cause them problems. I know that everything people go through won't always be related to me, maybe it's just them, but I feel like my being there adds on to their struggle and thus friction is like static in the air between us.

I know I love my mom and I know if something bad were to happen to her I'd feel sorrowful. But that doesn't stop the evil angry feelings I have when she yells at me about things I already know is wrong with me but can't quite seem to fix. That could be a reason my temper is short with her, the idea that there are things I'm just not living up to and she is reminding me of it.

There are things she does and says to me that are just plain hurtful and unnecessary and I know I have crossed the lines during some of our arguments as well. I believe that if I could really truly get my life together and live on my own, I'd have a much better relationship with her because also I wouldn't feel that I am the only person she has to talk to and count on. I want to be more grateful and loving towards her. I'll work on it.