Happy and Hungry

It's almost 4 and I haven't eaten anything all day! Had a lot of errands to run. I have gone and bought my self a CHI because it's day 3 since my Bro did my hair and it is still beautiful and manageable.

Tonight I'm going to do a hot oil treatment. I should probably make oil and condition treatments weekly things but I don't truly have the time. I had my hair natural for last week but this week was flat. I've notice some breakage in the same spots which is rather annoying because I'm beginning to think that none of these things are working for my hair if I am still stuck at the same length with breakage at the same spots. Ugh oh well I'll keep trying to keep healthy happy hair. I want to go to the gym sometime after I eat, although I just got a work out running up and down my stairs for 20mins bringing groceries in. I may just take this day to eat, pamper myself, and clean. Boy oh boy the cleaning that needs to be done.

A tad off of today's topic, I've been trying to become a more loving, compassionate, patient person. At times I can see my progress and at others not so much. For instance, a time in which I showed great progress is an incident that happened with a so called friend. They have a tendency to fall head over hills for people and think that if they truly want, they can run off and live happy ever after. Well I told this person the reality of what they are looking for. I said things like while its wonderful to want to go off in the world with someone, you have to make sure they want what you want and be sure you plan for the worst if you move too fast because you don't want to move off with her and then you break up and you're stuck out in an area where things will only remind you of her. Well he got all pissy and bitchy and bitched me out for telling him to tread with caution. He said "you really think you got this love thing down don't you? well you don't! you had sex to abuse yourself. ur in need of a relationship. u cant handle being alone with yourself." Well that was grounds enough for me to knock this mother fucker out! However, I acknowledge that I was angry and that the things he said were to try and hurt me as much as he was hurting although I didn't and still don't understand why he got so upset. Also the things weren't true. Yes I had sex in a way to cope with things that I didn't want to cope with but I had come to terms with that and decided to respect myself. See I could have bashed him about his self mutilating behaviors, I could have rubbed in his face how he is the one hitting me up every day to know when we can hang out or if he can stay over, and there are so many other things I could have taken that he told me and turned it around to be ugly. But I didn't. I told him to shut up and grow up. He soon then apologized. I saw my progress in that situation because I didn't revert to my ghetto gangsta ways and attack him. I took a higher route. I was angry with myself for not yelling because I felt that I should have let my anger out because I kept mulling over how angry I was at his insults.

The situation and guy still make me angry. He's the kind of person who uses others for personal gain and attributes all depression to them. I don't like that kind of attitude and I'm not so sure I like the person anymore. While a part of me wants to knock him out for something else hurtful he has done recently, I am just going to let him go. Now in places where I don't see progress, my relationship with my mother. She still really annoys me and I'm not sure how to handle that yet. Ok I'm really hungry so I need to find some snacks while the food is cooking. I'll be updating my other blog with a story song mash up I created using No Heaven by Justin Nozuka. I still don't think I should turn it into class. Bleh, I'll think about it later.

"Take responsibility for your actions."

Happy Thursday

Just a little clip because I didn't feel like typing. However I should have organized what I wanted to say. It's late and yeah I look like I've had a long day. Enjoy :P

UPDATE!!!

Today I'm not feeling my best. I haven't been able to really workout besides walking to class and taking the stairs. Maybe it's the lack of exercise or the dread of what winter will bring but I am just not up to par or cheerful at the moment. I called off from work today. I've been having a few issues with my health lately. Well I'm not sure exactly what it is. My OBGYN visit resulted in me needing to undergo a colposcopy and what happened was, the doctor found abnormal cells in my cervix and I had to go back for her to do a close up look at my cervix and cut away some of the tissue to send to a lab to examine the abnormalities for serious risks. I'm awaiting those results but from the first pap smear my results said that I have LSIL which is basically a low grade abnormality suggesting that some of my cervix is infected with slightly abnormal cells. My doc said this is due to the virus HPV which is sexually transmitted. This virus is still an enigma to me because I don't understand it fully. The doctor told me, "We like to say that all men are carriers of HPV so always protect yourself." I had the shot Gardasil a few years back before I became sexually active and it was supposed to protect me from HPV. HPV can become cancerous or cause a form of genital warts. It's a very common virus, some people sho absolutely no symptoms but if symptoms do occur and are left untreated, I assume they can result in cervical cancer or genital warts. I suppose that my shot didn't work too well so for all of you readers, women please make sure you get the shot and protect yourself and for you men, I suggest you read up on it. I'm not sure how deadly the virus is or can be but the OBGYN made it sound scary. There are no real test to see if men have it and I haven't heard of doctors trying to protect men from getting it but I've never talked to a male about his medical visits. Other info I've found is that even people who have been with each other their entire lives can get it. If anyone has any other information I'd love to know it. I told my ex about it and he never responded to me, perhaps I didn't have to share the information with him but some comfort or anything would have been helpful to receive from him. The colposcopy feels very uncomfortable and it mimics the pain you feel on your period. It's not a pleasant experience so if you can protect yourself from needing one, you'll be all good. I hope this information helps someone. I don't like the idea that people go through things and never share their experience either out of shame or fear or because people can be very mean. Someone somewhere will have learned something and be able to pass it along. Well I'm off to hopefully finish some homework and housework and perhaps be lucky enough to exercise to lift my mood. 

Take care everyone!

4 Days into the New Year

I keep writing 2011 instead of 2012 :P

This song has been stuck in my head and I believe it is due to 2 of my friends and their love life:

Ok down to business. I started school again yesterday and it was an ok day. I believe I've found my class that I will hate. I still have not been working out besides walking a lot, I've just been too busy to set time aside. I'm hoping to go to the gym on Friday since I'll be free. Today I have 2 more classes, a meeting, then tomorrow 2 more classes and I'm volunteering with my friend at the school. I want to get involved in more things. I've been drinking water too! Not a lot but I've been drinking it.  So while my physical body has not really been getting any work done I have been progressing spiritually.

Last night I did a reading for my friends. One friend likes the other and began to ask me questions about that other friend and I was overwhelmed with all the right things to say so I said them but I was still a bit worried because I didn't want to give the wrong information or false hope... and I hope that I didn't! I talked to the other friend about love and this friend was the one on the receiving end and quite cautious about stepping into unfamiliar territory. Again I was overflowing with the perfect things to say so I said them... But how would this work out? It all seemed to me to be too fairytale so I consulted my favorite deck of cards. The Ascended Masters. This was rather amazing. The card I was given for the friend that is on the receiving end, who is afraid of new territory was the card Open Your Heart To Love. How spot on was that!?! The next card was the Law of Attraction which is basically, the energy you put out is the one you will receive back. I didn't tell this friend I was picking cards but I used the cards to help me frame my advice to this receiving friend. Now the friend who is the one wanting to give love was the friend who started the entire conversation. I was running out  of advice. The giving friend wanted to immediately declare love to the receiving friend and I was not sure about timing. The card chosen for this friend was Go Now. I found it rather amazing how these cards seemed to allow everything to flow out. Then I started feeling cloudy and I couldn't think any more. Maybe my spiritual energy was drained or perhaps it was because it was 2 am. I kept shuffling the cards and trying to think of what to tell the giving friend because they kept asking more questions about how to approach the receiving friend and while shuffling a card stuck out to me. I turned it over and it was the card Twin Flame. A twin flame is like a soul mate. I hope things work out with these friends and I believe if it doesn't last as long as they hope or go the way they planned, then they have at least learned something about themselves. I'm still worried because I have no real experience with these cards but if something good comes of last nights reading then I will have more faith in my abilities. 

The last bit of news about the cards is the strange drawing that occurred for me. I shuffled the cards and the two cards that came to me were Meditation and Crystals. I didn't understand their point because I was looking for information about my friends. I reshuffled and again these cards came out. I tried once again and the same cards came out. Three is an interesting number to me. It hasn't been my luckiest number but it is my favorite number. I realized that I was extremely tired and should go to sleep and the cards were signs of regenerating. I believe that last night was a very powerful spiritual moment for me. I don't believe I felt anything else in the room with me but these cards were amazing.

I must go now to catch my train but here is one quote from a different friend who helped me with figuring out options for my career. This quote is a reference to this new year, "leap year, elections, olympics, end of the world parties... hmmm... this could be exciting..."

My hair

I'm am trying to find a hair care routine  that uses little heat, natural, and is an every day style. Well I came across Curlformers and they are a pretty nice product, I just have to get a better handle of using them. They hurt to sleep in but in the week that I've had them, I've had some good days and some bad days. Today was an ok day. Here are some pics!

This first one was me just waking up and I started taking them down before I realized I should document them.

 This next picture is how they look when they are taken down. I had washed my hair the night before, slathered on some hair oils and slept with the curlformers in. I don't like the way they look when you take them out so I separate them.

 However, when you separate them, it really depends on the state of your hair. My natural hair is a curly afro so putting the curlformers in and letting my hair dry with them gave me uniform and less puff curls. I think that if the hair is flat ironed first then there is a chance that when you separate them they look more glamorous and less natural... I haven't tried it yet, still trying to figure out my hair care routine for longer hair by summer.

So far I just simply wash my hair with Mane and Tail and condition the same then while my hair is damp I put in Monoi Tiki Tahiti Oil (smells really great!), Healthy Sexy Hair Soy Renewal (makes hair really soft), and Garnier Fructis Triple Nutrution spray. You may think they are a lot of oil but they all target different shafts of the hair and black hair absorbs oil rather than excreting it and curly hair needs a lot of conditioning.  Hopefully all works well.

Happy New Years!!!

Pisces 2012 Horoscope

Maybe I can look back and see if any of this happened

This year puts you back in your wonderful watery element, Pisces. First off, Neptune, your ruling planet, will be moving back into your constellation in February for its full cyclic residency. You got a taste of this mystical infusion in 2011; now you can fully immerse yourself in the oceanic bliss of inspiration, oneness and compassion for the duration of 2012. You'll feel like you've come home to your true self. Whether you're an artist, healer or closet mystic, you'll have no choice but to move toward fulfilling the deeper longings of your soul. No longer can you deny how truly empathic and sensitive you are. It's time to channel those special qualities into proper use!
You'll be doing quite a bit of digging into your past (and even your ancestral roots) for answers this year as Venus, Jupiter and May's new Moon solar eclipse make significant contact with the core of your horoscope. This is the perfect opportunity to finally sever old fears, guilt or regrets. Consider 2012 your year to move forward into the present! You've been haunted by the ghosts of your past long enough.
Your career continues to evolve nicely under the auspices of 2012. You may experience some kind of radical peak around the full Moon eclipse in June impacting your career house - watch for significant meetings and messages around this time. The events and results of an eclipse usually take about six months to fully develop, so be patient and watch. Jupiter will offer his generous luck and assistance in your communication sector for the first half of the year until he moves on to your domestic sector. Get all your writing and other important correspondence finished before June, because the second half of 2012 could have you consumed in a hunt for a new home. Fortunately, things look quite lucky for you in real estate during the second half of the year, when Jupiter enters your domestic sector.